A Gentleman’s Guide to Dating

Certainly, what this world needs more of, besides good, holy men, are good and holy relationships that blossom into good and holy marriages. This guide is for all the single guys out there who may feel a calling to the vocation of marriage. Or, for all of you men who are married, take a stroll down memory lane and think back to those moments you came to know your beloved.

I’m not going to meddle in matchmaking, but here is some food for thought when it comes to relationships and being a Catholic Gentleman :

  • First and foremost, remember that the end or  ultimate purpose of a dating relationship is to discern a life of marriage with that person. If you can’t see yourself hoping to marry her, you’re just playing with her heart and likely adding more wound to an already abundantly wounded world.
  • To enter into a relationship is to discern marriage. When discerning a vocation, one should pray and be close to God, so as to learn his will. Pray.
  • Porn and lust kill love. So battle it now through the Sacraments, Spiritual Direction, and the support of other brotherly fellas.
  • You need to be the man in the relationship who preserves and protects her soul and her purity. You must be the strong one. Know and avoid occasions of sin and scandal.
  • According to Saint John Paul II, the opposite of love is not hate. It is to use another person. Love her, don’t use her.
  • In my experience, there have ALWAYS been more women than men in my Catholic circles. As a Catholic Gentleman, the chances are likely in your favor.
  • Maybe you need to be bold. Maybe she needs to know she is worth pursuing.
  • Be a creative dater. Go out of your way to make her feel extra special.
  • You need to find God. Catholic girls are being told that their hearts should be so lost in God that you have to seek God in order to find her. I guarantee, that’s the type of guy you want to be, because that’s the type of girl you want to be married to.
  • Virtue is attractive and will attract precisely the type of girl you want.
  • No, you don’t HAVE to fall in love with a Catholic. But a mixed marriage can often be a whole ‘nother can of worms.
  • Get to know each other in a balanced progression of intellectual, spiritual, and physical intimacy.
  • Even if you know she’s the one, nothing is ever solved by moving in together before marriage. Trust me, your marriage will thank you later.
  • Communicate now so you’ll build the skill for marriage. Get to know each other and face problems together. We have so many tools of communication these days (mail, phone, text, email, facebook, snapchat, skype…) Pick one and chat away. In person is great too!
  • Find the best places to go fishing. Because you’re likely young, seek out where the young Catholic crowd is, and you’ll find Catholic women. Catholic Campus ministry groups, vibrant young parishes, older youth rallies or conferences, or things like World Youth Day would be great places to start.
  • If you’re a bit older, check out CatholicMatch.com without shame. Quality eligible guys can be few and far between. All those Catholic single Ladies need you online, and God may just work his holy providence.
  • Just because we live in a confused world when it comes to gender and relationships, since dating is for marriage, and marriage is between one man and one woman, Gentlemen can only date women. If you experience same-sex attraction or gender confusion, find support in discerning your own vocation at CourageRC.org.
  • Um YEAH, you can be picky and you should be to a certain extent. It is a big problem when the Catholic divorce rate is on par with everyone else.
  • Finally, keep scrolling below to find some Catholic Pickup Lines. Please use at your own discretion!

As for me, I remember with much fondness, the days that I was single, and especially the day I met my future bride. I was at a Catholic campus function and she caught my eye. Among many mutual friends, we had a chance to talk and interact, and I was surprised that our paths had never directly crossed before. Beyond that evening, I think we both hoped our feelings were mutual. Over the next few days, she made the first two moves (adding me as a friend on Facebook and setting her relationship status to ‘single’). Needless to say, I fell for her fishing. From that point on, I pursued her. I asked over facebook chat one evening how it was possible that she was still single. I wanted her to know that I noticed, and she took it the way I meant. I asked her if she liked sushi because I knew about a good sushi place. We were soon enjoying sushi together and building a friendship. We became very good friends quickly and spent a lot of quality time together with our mutual friends. After about three months of developing a friendship we discerned that we should officially begin our dating relationship. Then, about two years from the day we first met, we were married and truly began a life together. She remains to this day my closest friend, the knower of my soul, and my ticket to heaven.

For those of you called to marriage, I hope you find what I did and more!


~ The Catholic Gentleman's Guide

One thought on “A Gentleman’s Guide to Dating

  1. Wonderful, as always! Best and warmest wishes and continued daily prayers and offerings of Holy Mass and Communion for you, dear brother Matthew, family, and all who strive to become better men and women. Deo gratias – vivat Jesu – salve Regina – Sancte Ioseph prega per noi !

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